Paul Roub : blahg

So, Scott Adams has a new book out: Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain!. It's a collection of writings from his blog, and it's basically what happens when the guy who writes Dilbert has no restrictions whatsoever on his writing. Which is to say, really, really funny. Guaranteed to irritate and amuse.

A while back, Scott announced a contest -- come up with the most over-the-top back-cover blurb for the book, and win stuff.

So anyway, see number 21

Geek that I am, the cooler part of the story is: Scott Adams emailed me.

Posted by Paul Roub at 9:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Disclaimers: I enjoy Anil Dash's writing. I'm using his company's software to post this very blog entry. There are many reasons to admire the man.

Having said all that, I respectfully submit that a little lightening-up might be in order.

You might be aware that, when browsing network resources, OS X Leopard uses an old monitor showing the Blue Screen Of Death to represent Windows boxes.

This bugs Anil. Quite a bit:

The disdain here isn't for the unfortunate unwashed who have to suffer through Windows because they're so clueless -- it's a snide shot at the other computers you own, or of your family's other machines around the house, or of the computers of the peers you work with.

My $0.02?

1. It's a shot at Windows. Your family members didn't make the thing crash-prone. Unless you're Dave Cutler, there's not much here to take personally.
2. As Anil notes, it's a joke. I'd like more humor and personality in my environment, thanks.
3. It works. If you want to clearly distinguish Windows machines, and you wish to avoid using copyrighted logos... c'mon, it works. You know damn well what you're looking at.

I'm far from a Mac snob. Mac-envious? Probably. But still, in our house, when everything's plugged in at once, the tally is: 5 Windows, 1 Ubuntu, 1 Mac OS. And the Mac's not mine. So if we upgrade Christy's MacBook to Leopard, my desktop, my laptops, and the kid's machine will show up this way. You evil bastards, you have defiled the very machine on which my offspring play Arthur's First Grade!

Or, you know, not.

Update: Ed suggests taking things a step further.

Posted by Paul Roub at 9:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Thanks so much for the flyer I received the other day. The one ranting about our homeowner's association. As I'm very new to the neigborhood, I don't believe we've met. Can't say for sure, though, since your note was unsigned; however, all the neighbors I've met so far have seemed quite reasonable and coherent.

The gist of your note seems to be that I should go somewhere unspecified, to protest in an unclear manner, against the association's plans to quarter British soldiers in my home, and control my precious bodily fluids. Or words to that effect.

A couple of hints, one neighbor to another, that might lend just a touch more credibility to your next missive:

1. Sign your name. Anonymous screeds lack a certain authority, unless they're written at the Tom Paine level. Or at least proofread, which leads me to...
2. Try to spell the name of our community correctly. Getting it wrong once is a typo. Doing so twice gives the impression that you're not quite sure where you live; also, that you've run out of friends who might glance over the papers before the mailbox-stuffing begins. Which reminds me...
3. I'm reasonably sure it's illegal to put anything other than mail into other people's mailboxes. If I were, say, you, I'd be up in arms about that. As it is, the thought of you rummaging around my mailbox creeps me out a bit.
4. Orange paper is great for those "Boo!" signs you place on doors at Halloween (any strong thoughts on Halloween, by the way?). Not so much for HOA discussions.
5. Try reading your text out loud. Can you get through the sentence "our homeowner's association... has more power than the government" with a straight face? Can you list a couple of examples of such unchecked might? One?

Just trying to help. I'm sure there's a fascinating backstory wherein your dream of a front-yard statue of a zebra-striped, naked Smurfette was shot down. I'm just saying that crumpled, semi-lucid, boldface printouts aren't the best way to start that conversation.

Posted by Paul Roub at 2:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Apart from the fact that it's pretty funny, what I mainly take away from today's Ctrl+Alt+Del (NSFW language) is "he plays right-handed, but bats lefty. Weird."

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Posted by Paul Roub at 9:49 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

... and a blog.

If you don't know who Rick Reynolds is, go, read, find out.

If you do know, and if like me you've been wondering where he's been, you'll be doing the same excited chair dance I'm doing even now.

Posted by Paul Roub at 1:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

RPS - 25

Wolf Bites Heiny of Devil!

Monkey Infuriates Alien!

Posted by Paul Roub at 12:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

No offense to Wil and his mug of piratey goodness, but this:

is still the best coffee mug ever.

And I broke mine. Dammit.

Posted by Paul Roub at 9:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

From Lifehacker:

You wouldn't believe how hard it is to google up a few simple tips for office-based Feng Shui. Nearly every site wants to sell you something--or someone--rather than discuss good office layout.

Yes, that's right -- as hard as it may be to believe, when you're looking for tips on aligning the furniture to maximize energy flow, or facing the desk in just the right direction to increase your income, you just might run into people who are looking to take advantage of the gullible.

I know, astonishing. Next week: the difficulties of finding a reliable, free, no-nonsense astrologer.

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I love that the web server is actually in the frog. It's the little things.

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Note to Hugh: if you put this one on a T-shirt, I'd buy one in a minute. And a mug. Maybe a poster.

Maybe it could be my new tattoo.

Posted by Paul Roub at 9:07 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

From msnbc.com:

Conn. submarine base won't give up easily

The U.S. Naval Submarine Base New London, is on the Pentagon's list of proposed base closures. [...] [T]he local community is not going to allow the base's closure without a fight.

Wow. Sound like a bad movie to anyone else? "Taps II: Under Water, Under Siege". Maybe Dwyer's the base commander now, and we see him grimace as he receives the news; on the wall behind him, a framed photo of Dwyer arm-in-arm with Brian Moreland.

Posted by Paul Roub at 4:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

From Dave Barry's blog today:

Having spent this past week in various phases of air travel, I am wondering if it would be possible to require cell-phone manufacturers to put some kind of decibel governor on cell phones, so that if a person talked too loud into the phone, the phone would stop working. Or, better yet, explode.

I really like the solution proposed in the second comment:

Well, I don't know about exploding phones, but people don't like it if you stand near them and take notes.

Gonna have to try that next time I'm adjacent to a Nextrovert's table.

Posted by Paul Roub at 9:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

"How lame is that?"

"Eight."

Posted by Paul Roub at 4:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

L.A.me - Hell Hath No Fury - man, does Sara nail this.

He gets a point for scoring my name correctly this time, but negative ONE MILLION points for every word that followed my correctly-spelled name.

Been there, gender-reversed. I mean, I've been the asshole too many times, but I don't think I was every that asshole. Others might disagree.

10 years ago, if I'd had a blog on which to vent, I might not have written so many songs... Just as well. Much better with the songwriting thing than the prose. And certainly not as good with the prose as Ms. Sara.

Posted by Paul Roub at 4:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Cleaning up after GWAR.

Posted by Paul Roub at 12:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Mitch Altman is an asshole. And not just any asshole…

Gizmodo reviews TV-B-Gone, a device that lets you decide when others have watched enough TV. Good to know all the world's actual problems have been solved.

Posted by Paul Roub at 10:18 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

CNN: Stronger pot causes policy shift

Man, that would explain so much of what's gone on the last few years in Washington...

Posted by Paul Roub at 3:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

In addition to the just-plain-off-the-mark open mike comments, others that I refrain from posting are insanely negative comments from anonymous sources, or those that are just... insane.

Such as the one from this morning, which begins:

I had a very uncomfortable experience at [club name redacted]. I felt like I was being intoxicated with narcotics, even though I was stone cold sober. The pictures he placed around his home studio had a strange, surreal Helmut Newton quality, that seemed to condone the dark side of the human psyche. I purchased a diet soda and the environment was so sinister I felt I needed to keep my eye on my soda at all times, for fear someone, if not Mr. [name redacted] himself, would slip something toxic in my drink.

Posted by Paul Roub at 10:15 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Running openmikes.org is fun. A nice diversion, hopefully (and apparently) useful to quite a few people. And very much a result of the constant input, suggestions, submissions, corrections, etc. from those same people.

One of the ways in which I encourage input is to ask in various places for comments on our listings. Is this night good, bad, indifferent; do I have the details wrong; has the night been cancelled; etc. My users are my quality control team, and I incorporate nearly all feedback into the site in one form or another.

Nearly.

The problem is, despite statements like this:

Remember, your comments are not going to the venue itself; they will be used to update the openmikes.org listings.

which is one of only two short paragraphs at the top of the comment-submission form; and despite what I like to think of as a fairly clear impression that this is an open-mikes-listing site, and not the official or unofficial site of any particular establishment, every couple of days I get a comment along the lines of:

what's up jim? it's ***. do you remember me? i'm a japanase man with long hair used to join your open mic every week.

or

when are the next courses for learning burlesque theatre ? please write me the appointed times or days in the year 2004 . i´ll coming back to brooklyn in autum and i´ll learn to do this wonderful great burlesque theatre !

etc.

Now, I don't always read the fine print either. And not everyone is at home on the web as you or I. Still... what causes one to:

1. Google for "seattles best coffee", then
2. skip the corporate home page (the first hit, as it should be),
3. click instead on the fourth link, the one titled "openmikes.org : comment on Open Mike at Seattles Best Coffee"
4. and leave the following message:

I recently was vacationing in Las Vegas and stopped in at Seattles Best Coffee shop in the Plaza Hotel lobby.I was treated very badly by the person behind the counter,he was extremely rude.I went to the management of the hotel to complain and was told the gentleman who had waited on me was the manager.They also informed me that I was not the first person to complain about this person.They told me that they had been trying to get rid of this person for sometime because of his terrible treatment of the guests.They were unable to reach anyone at the company to listen to their concerns.

I very much enjoy the coffee you sell,but you need to address this matter.I wouldn't think the company would want thid kind of person representing Seattles Best.

Thank You,
[Name Removed]

Oh, and the listing on which the comment was left? A Seattle's Best Coffee in Baltimore.

Posted by Paul Roub at 10:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Brad Templeton wonders what we should call those who insist on making heated cellphone conversations public.

As a side note, can someone with a Nextel phone confirm what I suspect: that you do have the option of holding them to your ear, and speaking into the mouthpiece directly. You know, like a phone. As opposed to "look at me, I have a walkie-talkie", with the bonus feature that everything has to be shouted and repeated three times.

If there's anything more uncomfortable than (as commented at Templeton's page) hearing half of a divorce discussion, wouldn't it be hearing the other side on speaker phone?

I'm throwing out "Nextroverts" as a suggested appelation for this subgroup.

Posted by Paul Roub at 11:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

"Due to popular demand... a collection of female sneezing pictures."

Yep.

"Due to popular demand."

Posted by Paul Roub at 1:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Yes, it certainly is.

I think today's entry could have been shortened a bit, though.

"My Problems with Music... I saw... Duran-Duran once."

I think we can extrapolate from there.

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Last night I dreamt that I was writing a note on the to-do list on our refrigerator. The note read "make a copy of Randy Newman on Musicians for Jeff".

"Jeff" was Jeff Bezos, sitting on our couch eating potato sticks. Weird.

Except for the potato sticks part -- we don't actually have any in the house, but he seems like a potato stick kind of guy. And if Bezos is dropping by, I'm sure you don't mind running to the store for some potato sticks.

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