Paul Roub

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I Just Received an Email From the Year 2000

From: Name Redacted <nredacted@sbcglobal.net>
Subject: The Domain: OpenMicNight.com

Using your ISP-given email? Always a good sign of a reliable business.

Paul,
Hello, my name is redacted. I am representing the owner of the web domain OpenMicNight.com and we are interested in selling the domain.

A web domain? How wonderful! Oh, but… what if I wanted email, too? Is this one only for the web? Is that why you’re using the SBC address?

In a keyword search for “Open Mic Night” on Google your website came up as a related listing,

I’d expect so. openmikes.org is generally the first hit for things like that. Good job finding it!

So I wanted to see if you had any interest in purchasing the domain?

So I could have the second slot, too? Also, that’s not a question. It’s more of an 80s movie SoCal kid making a statement, if you throw a few “likes” in there.

I am contacting many different parties that have an interest in the name, or spend money on marketing and ads for these specific keywords.

“Dear SEO Douchebags: …”

A response either way would be appreciated.

Wait, either way? What were my choices? Is this a way? I’m doing this one.

Thank you for your time,
Name Redacted

That was so nostalgic. Domain speculation. Because people type URLs into address bars these days. All the time. That would serve me better than years of content, trust, legitimate inbound links…

Oh, there’s more!

Name Redacted, Nredacted Web Development
Phone: 555-55B-R549 Email: nredacted@sbcglobal.net

Wow, no hesitation at all throwing around the temporary email. And no web site, I guess ‘cause you’re selling your only web domain.

Hey, for the kids, can we get some authentic, silly, psuedo-legal spewage?

This message may contain confidential and/or privileged information.

You don’t know? Dude. Read it over once before clicking Send.

If you are not the addressee or authorized to receive this for the addressee, you must not use, copy, disclose, or take any action based on this message or any information herein.

Can I delete it? Because that seems like taking an action. Is asking that taking action?

Also, how do I know if I’m authorized to receive this? What’s the chain of command? I’m pretty sure my boss won’t care, and the dog’s utterly ambivalent. I’ll ask Twitter in a minute, I think. Gestalt authorization.

If you have received this message in error, please advise the sender immediately by reply e-mail and delete this message. Thank you for your cooperation.

“Error” is slippery here. I certainly didn’t want to, or try to, receive it. And it doesn’t seem to have had the intended effect, but you got both my email and my first name right. “Whose error”? That’s what I’m trying to ask. Now I’m wondering if that should have been “who’s”. See what you’ve started?

P Please consider the environment before printing this e-mail.

I like the heartfelt stammer of the doubled “P”. I did consider the environment. Turned off lights in the next room, in fact. And now, I guess, I have to print the email. You did say “p-please”.